We're back in training! When the official site displays pictures of half naked, slightly fat footballers wearing heart monitors, you know pre-season training his started! We've signed a bloke called Moloney on loan from Forest too. We're billionaires and we're doing loans!?!
July 2nd
Nottingham is attempting to become a host city for the World Cup, apparently. The diary doesn't really see the point, neither side are ever going to be able to fill a 60,000 capacity white elephant in Gamston and it would ruin the experience for thousands of fans at both Nottingham clubs. All for the sake of hosting one group's matches, probably those of New Zealand, Ecuador, Iran and Denmark. The NEP might be behind it, but the diary says let Leicester or Derby have Ecuador vs. Iran.
July 3rd
That fast bloke we had on the wing last season, Myles somebody, has upped sticks and gone down south to Brentford. Apparently we might get some money, which'd be nice for a man who couldn't cross the football. Delroy Facey is missing from training as he's on international duty with Grenada. Yes, that's Delroy Facey on international duty. No, really.
July 5th
Grenada have lost 4-0 to the USA. That's what you get for leaving Delroy out of the squad.
July 6th
McParland is trying to sign Lee Hughes, former causing death by dangerous driving convict and West Brom goalscorer. He's sure to upset those angry Yorkshire chaps we have on the first day of the season. JAH wants a six-figure fee for Myles Weston, the diary thinks there's more chance of Delroy Facey being an international.
July 7th
The diary is taking lessons on how to say 'Universitatea Craiova' since we've decided to play them in pre-season when we fly off to do some pre-season training on grass in Austria, rather than Nottingham. We're playing SV Austria Salzburg too, but we can say that one.
July 9th
The diary hears stories that Delroy made his international debut for Grenada and missed an open goal. The diary is not surprised.
July 10th
First we signed Lee Hughes and then we didn't. Not sure what's going on but we blame Mike Edward's wife for announcing it on BBC Radio Nottingham before he'd decided to up his demands a bit more.
July 11th
We're off to Austria and with a spare seat on the plane (presumably booked for Mr. Hughes), we've smuggled a bloke called Luke Rodgers through customs and onto the flight. Bet he's useless.
July 13th
We've lost 3-2 to that Romanian team who we still can't pronounce properly. Luke Rodgers scoring twice apparently. The diary's not having it.
July 14th
The takeover has been completed, Munto Finance are the new owners of Notts County. Here's to them buying lots of new people and a good season next year, so the diary doesn't have to moan as much.
July 15th
We've beaten those Austrians we were playing 3-0, Matt Hamshaw scoring and another two from Luke Rodgers. The diary dearly hopes we can sneak the little Brummie back through East Midlands Airport's security.
July 17th
We've bid £50,000 for Jack Lester, Chesterfield's best player. That's obviously not enough to sign him but it was worth it to watch the Spireites get themselves into a right mood over it all.
July 21st
The Sun reckon Sven Goran Eriksson, former England manager, is set for a position as director of football at the club. The Diary reckons there's more chance of Delroy Facey being an international.
July 22nd
The Sun have got something the correct! As shocking as that may seem, their scoop on Sven is true! He's the new man at Meadow Lane and though no one really knows what he's going to be up to, this has to be good news. Maybe Forest will actually be concerned about our takeover now, rather than just saying we've been taken over by some loan sharks. The Diary also got soaked as we won 7-0 at Arnold Town.
July 23rd
We're big news, Sven's press conference was a surreal experience live on Sky Sports News. The diary believes we need new chairs, maybe Sven can pull some strings at Ikea? Hearing Colin Slater's voice on national tele asking a former England manager is question is bizarre. Lee Hughes has a sudden and unsurprising change of heart and signs.
July 24th
We're trying to kick the egg chasers out of Meadow Lane, blaming them for turning our pitch into Skegness Beach last year. And the year before. The diary believes that the rugby club probably should've thought about where they were going to play before deciding to sell their ground. Sky TV, clearly captivated by the Sven revolution, decide Notts vs. Torquay is worthy of being broadcast live to the nation.
July 25th
It wasn't supposed to be like this, was it? 5,000 Forest fans turn up expecting to see their side put Notts back in our place after a week when Dexter Blackstock's signing was relegated to a sentence at the end of East Midlands Today. Billy Davies watches on and presumably realises he's wasted several million pounds on a host of truly average strikers as they spray shots into every area of the Meadow Lane seating. Our modest pair of free transfers meanwhile take their chances with ease and despite Kevin Pilkington's best efforts, Notts win the 'friendly' local derby. It was only a friendly, we just cannot emphasise enough how it was just a friendly.
July 28th
We're attempting to sign a bloke from Portsmouth, presumably 'cos he kept scoring past us last season for Dagenham. Meanwhile at Meadow Lane, Notts lose 3-2 to Nigel Clough's Derby County in a game of freak goals that sees Robbie Savage score from 35 yards with a cross and Neal Bishop put in an early entry for worst backpass of the season. The egg chasers are granted an injunction to keep playing at Meadow Lane, at least until the end of the season when the chances of a new contract being agreed are about as likely as Delroy Facey becoming an international.
July 31st
Notts draw 2-2 with a bunch of very angry kids representing Liverpool. When not attempting to start a fight, the Scouse youngsters look second best to an impressive Notts side. Russell Hoult emphasises the need for a new 'keeper by 'doing a Pilkington'.